I believe in the three mind theory. While I admire Freud and his ideas on the unconscious and the three-part personality, this theory is not what I’m focusing on here.
Instead, I mean that we have a heart, a brain, and a gut, each playing a role in our beliefs and behaviour.
There is a particular kind of fear that does not shout. It does not force you into a fight-or-flight. Instead, it shows up as a quiet knot in your stomach, a hesitation in your voice, a subtle urge to stall or change direction, and an overthinking mind will quieten it, and you are likely to ignore the warning.
You know the script, pick one from here…
I’m probably overreacting.
They didn’t mean it that way.
I’m just being too sensitive.
I should be more open-minded.
And yet your body has already registered something. A tension. A tightening. A quiet no, you keep explaining away.
This is your gut instinct (Gut mind?), and much of the time, that irrational fear is not irrational at all. It is pattern recognition, lived experience wrapped in sensation instead of language.
The thing about the three mind theory is this… You will sometimes follow your heart, sometimes your mind (head) will negotiate with your heart, and sometimes you will try to negotiate with your gut too… Remember that your gut has more cells than your brain, but it can only say two things… Yes and No. Your gut cannot negotiate, so if it says no by giving you
tension, a tightening or a quiet no, you ignore it at your peril.
From my own life experience, when I have ignored this quiet no, it has ended badly. So, here you are waving away red flags, andyou’ree quiet, no.
The problem is not that you do not know, the problem is that you do not believe the warning until it hurts. Gut instinct is not magic. It is your nervous system adding up a thousand tiny data points faster than your conscious mind can keep up:
A micro-expression onsomeone’ss face
A slight change in tone
Words that don’t match the point of behaviour
A familiar pattern that reminds you of something from your past
The way you feel around a person or situation versus how they present themselves
Your logical mind likes clear explanations, evidence, and reasons that stand up in court. Your gut does not care about any of those things. It deals in impressions and energy:
Safe/not safe
Move towaand rd/move away
Stay/leave
When your gut says something is wrong, it often has more data than you think. It is just not speaking the language of bullet points and rational arguments. It speaks expertly in:
Body language
Tight shoulders
Churning stomach
Headache whenyou’ree around certain people
A sudden heavy fatigue before you go somewhere you want to go
An inability to relax, even when nothing is wrong
You feel it first. You explain it away second.
If your gut is so wise, why do you do it?
Because for many of us, listening to our instinct was punished, shamed, or dismissed early on in our lives. You may have learned that saying you do not like something meant you were being complex or dramatic. To question someone’s behaviour made you feel ungrateful or disrespectful. Naming your discomfort made other people uncomfortable or complex, and they trained you to stop naming it.
So you developed survival skills, but mostly you put everyoneelse’ss feelings and behaviour before your own. You search for the benefit of the doubt, so you allow the other person to continue with your compliance. Effectively, you smooth over your own unease to keep the peace or worse, to let your boundaries be trodden out of existence, you become party to your own abuse. You have now learned that otherpeople’ss comfort matters more than your inner truth, and you effectively silence your gut instinct.
Over a very short time, this becomes automatic… The moment your gut tells you to see the red flag… The anxiety sensation appears, but your conditioning kicks in… Don’t be dramatic, be nice and let them have their way… silence your gut and look for reasons why your own feelings are invalid.
I have known clients who were battered by their abuser, who tell me it was their own fault… they provoked them, or it was the drink, or plainly they know no better, their abuser battered
They have seen it before.
I state clearly that the fear never vanishes; it just gets buried under explosions, where it continues to growThey
In Part 2, I will take this thought further, along with some ideas on how to build a life without betraying your self-esteem and self-respect.
Ray Freeman
The problem is not that you do not know, the problem is that you do not believe the
warning until it hurts.
Gut instinct is not magic. It is your nervous system adding up a thousand tiny data
points faster than your conscious mind can keep up:
A micro-expression onsomeone’ss face
A slight change in tone
Words thatdon’tt match behaviour
A familiar pattern that reminds you of something from your past
The way you feel around a person or situation versus how they present
themselves
Your logical mind likes clean explanations, evidence, reasons that stand up in court.
Your gut does not care about any of that. It deals in impressions and energy:
Safe/not safe
Move toward/move away
Stay/leave
When your gut says, something is wrong, it often has more data than you think. It is
just not speaking the language of bullet points and rational arguments. It iss speaking
expertly in
Body language
Tight shoulders
Churning stomach
Headache whenyou’ree around certain people
A sudden heavy fatigue before you go somewhere you should want to go
An inability to relax, even when nothing is wrong
You feel it first. You explain it away second.
If your gut is so wise, why do you ignore it?
Because for many of us, listening to our instinct was punished, shamed, or dismissed
early on in our lives. You may have learned that saying you do not like something
meant you were being difficult or dramatic. To questionsomeone’ss behaviour made
you ungrateful or disrespectful. Naming your discomfort made other people
uncomfortable or exposed and they trained you to stop.
So you developed survival skills, but mostly you put everyoneelse’ss feelings and
behaviour before your own. You search for the benefit of the doubt, so you allow the
other person to carry on with your compliance. Effectively, you smooth over your
own unease to keep the peace or worse, to allow your boundaries to be trodden out of
existence, you become party to your own abuse. You have now learned that otherpeople’ss comfort matters more than your inner truth, you effectively silence your gut
instinct.
Over a very short time, this becomes automatic… The moment your gut tells you to
see the red flag… The anxiety sensation appears, but your conditioning kicks in… Don’t be dramatic, be nice and let them have their way… silence your gut and look for
reasons why your own feelings are invalid.
I have known clients who were battered by their abuser tell me it was their own
fault… they provoked them or it was the drink or just plainly they know no better as
they have seen it before.
I state clearly that the fear never vanishes, it just gets buried under explanations
where it continues to grow.
In Part 2, I will take this thought further and some ideas on how to build a life without
betraying your own self-esteem and self-respect.
Ray Freeman
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