Love stories often start with intensity: late-night talks, butterflies, and the dizzy feeling that you have finally met someone who gets you. But sometimes that intensity is not romance… it is a manipulation. The more intense it appears, the more likely it is that we could call it love bombing.
Love bombing is a pattern of overwhelming affection, attention, and gifts used not to love you, but to create a vulnerability in you so that they can control you. It feels like a dream at first and will feel too good to be true…. If you are overwhelmed, you are unlikely to realise that ‘too good to be true’ is exactly that…
This vulnerability becomes the trap, so I am going to explore what love bombing is in this article. It is unlikely to help, as you, reading this, are possibly already love-bombed.
This article is in two parts, the first to whet your appetite and the second to satisfy you and give you some knowledge of those out there that seek to control you.
Love bombing is the first and most spectacular manipulative tactic where someone floods you with affection, praise, promises, and attention likely too fast for you to realise it is not real… the attempt is to quickly win your trust. Once they have that, they have you…
There will be some or all of the list here….
- Constant texting and calling
- Intense compliments about how special or different you are
- Big promises about the future—even in the first days or weeks
- Lavish gifts and surprise gestures
- Pushing commitment at high speed (soulmate, meant to be, I’ve never felt this way before… my last partner abused me…. They were crazy etc.)
On the surface, it looks like the perfect romance: someone who finally sees your worth, showers you with appreciation, and does not play games. But under the surface, love bombing is often used by people with narcissistic traits, abusers, or deeply insecure partners who need control.
The key thing to remember is that healthy relationships have ups and downs, even at the start, but perfect is not real, so remember that healthy love grows, love bombing overwhelms. The larger problem is when this is a relation or work colleague….
The phrase – too good to be true – exists for a reason. It is your intuition noticing that the pace, intensity, or perfection of a situation does not line up with reality.
In healthy connections:
- Attraction can be strong, but boundaries are respected.
- Interest builds over time through shared experiences.
- Trust is earned, not demanded.
In love bombing:
- The connection is fast-tracked. The person acts like they already know you deeply, even when they really do not!
- They idealise you, projecting fantasy onto you rather than taking time to see who you really are.
- They move the relationship forward at high speed: “Let’s move in together,” “Let’s get married,” “I want you forever” – sometimes within weeks.
When someone skips the “getting to know you” phase and jumps into “You’re my soulmate” territory, that’s not a sign of deep love. It’s a sign of urgency—and urgency in relationships is often about control, not connection.
How Love Bombing Often Unfolds
Love bombing rarely stays sweet forever. It tends to follow a predictable cycle, especially in abusive or narcissistic dynamics.
- Idealisation Phase: You’re “The One”
There is a problem: they’re falling in love with an idea, not with you as a complex, real person.
2. Dependency Phase: You Start to Rely on the High
Once the love bombing has gone on for a bit, your brain and body adapt to the rush. You start to look forward to their constant attention and feel deeply connected after a short time.
3. Devaluation Phase: The Mask Slips
Once they sense you are hooked, the dynamic then shifts to withdraw affection and criticise you.
4. Control Phase: Walking on Eggshells
Over time, love bombing can evolve into more overt control. They may monitor whom you talk to and where you go, and isolate you from your support systems.
Love bombing is not effective because people are weak or foolish. It works because it hijacks very human needs. The stronger you appear at the start, the more interesting you become to them. They like to win but love the challenge.
Not every intense relationship is abusive, and not every romantic gesture is manipulative. Context matters, but there are red flags that suggest love bombing may be at play:
It is moving very, very fast.
Excessive flattery and idealisation.
Grand gestures that ignore your comfort.
Modern dating has made love bombing easier and more common with texting, messaging, and social media. Too many links?
Not every strong start is toxic. Some relationships do have immediate chemistry and a deep connection. The issue will be the apparent… are your boundaries being pushed aside?
There can be strong attraction, but also patience and respect for your pace around communication, intimacy, and commitment.
Love bombing seems more urgent and pressured.
If you suspect you are being love-bombed, you do not have to diagnose the other person. Focus instead on your safety, your pace, and your boundaries.
You are allowed to slow the pace and delay bigger decisions. Also, be mindful of how they handle no, boundaries, disagreements, and delays.
Listen to your body and intuition… Butterflies are normal! If you feel constantly overwhelmed, be sure to note this is an important signal.
In part two of this article, I will expand much more on the how to manage part of this manipulation.
Ray Freeman
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