Part 1
Many people have difficult bosses. But there is a difference between a tough manager and a narcissistic one. Understanding that difference can help you protect yourself.
We should make a distinction between a boss and a manager. Managers are appointed from above so they have a level of favouritism from a boss and may feel that they have to constantly prove they are worth the favour. Bosses are usually owners of the business and seek to increase their success. But, here I am going to mix them together and talk about a boss but include the manager. The definition of narcissism is valid for both so we can safely put them together.
A narcissistic boss typically shows an exaggerated sense of self-importance and a constant need for admiration. They show a lack of empathy for others and a tendency to exploit people to achieve their own goals.
They may be charming and charismatic on the surface, but your observation will show you a pattern: everything is ultimately about them.
They eagerly claim credit for wins, often rewriting history to put themselves at the centre. When something goes wrong, they are quick to point the finger at someone in the workforce.
In front of bosses, the manager will tend to forget the workforce contribution to success. You are likely to feel invisible when things go well but far too visible when anything goes wrong.
The Narcissistic boss will fish for compliments and get irritated if they are not acknowledged. They will likely react badly to constructive feedback or even neutral comments…. Remember the Narc rage as they see criticism as an attack on their personality. They will defend that with rage!
A red flag for narcissism here is even a minor disagreement with them feels dangerous, even when you are calm and respectful.
Another red flag is that your workload, stress, and personal life are dismissed as irrelevant. They show little concern for how their decisions affect you or the team, they being task oriented rather than people oriented. This is because they lack the confidence to be themselves. Of course they do, they hardly know themselves at all.
Just like in an intimate relationship with a BN, if you are upset, work or personally they may accuse you of being too sensitive or unprofessional. Yet another red flag…. Their needs are always urgent, yours are an inconvenience.
They may have golden employees, who get special treatment and access. But likely any new employee will be the answer to their prayers, you existing staff are nowhere near as good. This is likely to change quickly once they realise the new is not the messiah and is as good as the rest of you. Then another new one arrives etc…
There is a bully element about them, you will never know when you speak to them if they are going to be reasonable or throw a grenade at you. It will depend on whether the encounter before you was satisfactory for them, or whether they may just think you need a blast.
They pit people against each other to maintain control, lacking confidence and needing constant admiration, they may spread subtle gossip or encourage competition that feels toxic rather than healthy. This will make the team perform less well as they feel unsafe and constantly on edge.
They deny things they clearly said or did. They minimize your experiences:… That never happened, or you’re remembering it wrong. This gaslighting can make you doubt your own memory and judgment. It may affect you so you start second-guessing yourself, even on simple things. The rules are for everyone else, not for them.
Over time, working under a narcissist can lead you to chronic stress and anxiety and always bracing for criticism or outbursts. You may start looking for alternative employment, have low self-esteem and feel isolated. Not a great frame of mind to look for a new job.
If you have started to question your own competence, your memory, or your self-worth because of one person at work, we can call that a huge red flag and a serious warning sign.
In part two of this article we will look at what you can do to work within the narc world and not be affected… effectively having some control over them.
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