Will the abuse get worse?
So, you have been love bombed and are bonded to your very own Behavioural Narcissist (BN). Now you are being devalued by the day.
This pattern of manipulation, control, and emotional abuse does cycle upwards; I call it an upward spiral of abuse. For some of you, this dark side escalates over time and ends in violence… physical violence on top of the rest of the emotional and psychological abuse.
This threatens your safety as well as your children if you have them. Understanding the process of escalating violence is crucial for identifying early warning signs and taking steps to protect yourself or others.
Does Narcissistic Abuse Escalate?
In many abusive relationships, particularly those involving narcissistic personalities, abuse often escalates over time. What may begin as emotional manipulation, criticism, or psychological control can develop into verbal abuse, intimidation, and eventually physical violence. Recognising the early warning signs of escalating abuse can help victims protect themselves and seek support before the situation becomes dangerous.
An insatiable need for admiration, control, and validation drives your very own BN. Their fragile personality (ego) perceives every adverse comment as an attack on their fragile ego and prompts them to come out fighting to protect it.
They will rage for what was, sensibly, a minor passing comment or opinion. Something innocuous that you or anyone will say can be a trigger.
Understanding what the triggers are could be lifesaving.
This escalation reflects their need for dominance and their inability to handle rejection, criticism, or loss of control. Over time, what may begin as emotional manipulation can spiral into dangerous physical acts, with each phase layering onto the previous one — an upward spiral.
In plain English, what they got away with last time will be the baseline for the next time… and onward and upward the violence goes.
It gets worse….
Phases of Escalating Violence in a Narcissistic Relationship
Understanding the typical phases of escalating violence in a narcissistic relationship can help victims recognise warning signs before they reach a point of physical danger.
1. Emotional and Psychological Manipulation
The first phase often involves relentless emotional control. BNs use gaslighting, challenging you, the victim, to question your own logic alongside constant criticism, blame, and invalidation.
They dismiss boundaries, invade privacy, and undermine your self-esteem, creating dependency and confusion.
A few warning signs include:
- Feeling anxious or walking on eggshells to avoid provoking anger
- Constant self-doubt about your perceptions or feelings
- Dismissing the damage in the cause of love
- Feeling powerless as your needs and boundaries are ignored or dismissed
Though not physically violent, this phase lays the groundwork for danger. The victim can become emotionally exhausted, less confident to assert themselves, and more vulnerable to later aggression.
2. Verbal Abuse and Threatening Behaviour
As control becomes more insidious, your BN will escalate into verbal abuse, shouting, insulting, name-calling, or issuing threats.
During this stage, they might threaten to leave, accuse you of infidelity, or threaten physical harm if their demands are not met.
Frequent yelling or derogatory comments, threatening gestures, or statements such as “I will hurt you” or “you will regret annoying me” may become a reality unless action is taken.
Part of this process involves isolation tactics that cut you off from your support system. I call it reducing the circle around you so fewer people have the opportunity to influence you.
All these tactics reshape the norm by eroding trust and self-esteem. When threats are made, whether subtle or overt, they often serve as a prelude to physical violence.
3. Physical Intimidation and Minor Acts of Violence
Adding even more… in the next phase, minor acts of physical violence may occur, often justified or rationalised by the narcissist.
These may include pushing, grabbing, slapping, or throwing objects. Often, abusers escalate physically during moments of frustration or when their fragile ego is challenged.
Warning signs include:
- Increased frequency of physical altercations
- Physical intimidation, such as getting close, yelling in your face, or invading your space aggressively
- Threatening gestures such as pounding walls or breaking objects
Victims often rationalise or minimise these acts, believing they are isolated incidents or that the abuser “didn’t really mean it.”
More terrifying still is the statement: “You made me do it.”
This allows the cycle to continue unchecked.
4. Escalation into Severe Physical Violence
Without intervention, minor physical acts can escalate into severe violence — punching, hitting, choking, or worse.
This stage is highly dangerous and can develop rapidly, often occurring without warning.
Warning signs during this phase include:
- Frequent aggression and loss of impulse control
- Use of weapons or objects (knives, guns, or heavy furniture)
- Threats of death or serious harm
This stage marks the point where victims are at imminent risk of serious injury or being killed.
Recognising early signs greatly increases the chances of safety and escape.
The number of partner murders is staggering both in the UK and in the USA.
Why Violence Escalates in Narcissistic Relationships
Finally, I want to highlight some of the factors that contribute to this escalation.
The BN has a very fragile ego and a desperate need for control over you and their surroundings. BNs tend to perceive any challenge or criticism as a threat to their world and you, their current narcissistic supply.
To restore their wounded ego, they resort to more aggressive tactics, effectively coming out fighting even when there appears to be no cause.
They have trouble self-regulating their emotions. Their lack of empathy and poor impulse control mean they cannot manage anger or frustration constructively.
They can also play the perfect victim brilliantly. They will provoke, then retreat, working on your response rather than on the behaviour they used to provoke you.
Their whole ego depends on controlling everything around them, whereas most of us know we can let go of control sometimes because we can always take it back if we need to.
I hope this helps a little.
Ray Freeman
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